Day 8: The Day I Realized That My Diet Might Kill Me

Earlier I wrote how I noticed that everyone in London is skinny, and that there are no fat people. Well I’m about to eat those words. Literally.

Based on my diet the past few days, I’m pretty sure that if nothing changes, it is going to be impossible for me not to gain somewhere between 75 and 100 pounds over the course of the next 3 months. Food here is EXPENSIVE. Even the prices of things like deli meats are just through the roof. Our flat is really nice, and is in one of the nicest areas in London – and all of the prices at the surrounding stores reflect it. Just thinking about how much a trip to the grocery store will cost me for a week’s worth of food hurts my head.

My diet right now consists of Ramen Noodles and Beer/Wine. That’s it. I wake up and make Ramen for breakfast. A couple hours later, I’ll fire up the stove and treat myself to some more Ramen at lunch.  Come dinner, I’ll check the fridge, realize that there’s still nothing in there, but you know what? I still have some Ramen left so fuck it, YOLO, Ramen for dinner! Then I’ll go out to the pubs, grab a few beers with the flat mates, get a little tipsy, come home and fuel my munchies with a little late night ramen snack before bedtime.

It’s honestly the only food I can afford – or more accurately – purchase conscientiously under good will. I’m on a budget. I still want to save my money for trips to Germany, Italy, Spain, France, Amsterdam, Brussels… you get the idea.

It’s not even quality Top Ramen that you get in the US either. It’s dirt-cheap Grade 壞品嚐麵條 Ramen I bought in Chinatown. Actually I hope it’s Ramen, but I can’t read Mandarin so I can’t really know for sure. It tastes like ramen though, and luckily the only thing in English on the whole package is the nutritional information – and according to that it would appear the powder I’ve been pouring on my noodles is composed entirely of animal fat, Rosie O’Donnel, and birthday cake.  And while I’m not entirely sure what happens to the human body when you completely eliminate protein from it, and instead replace it with carbohydrates and saturated fats, I’m fairly confident that it can’t be good. Hopefully when school/my internship starts, I will find cheaper food on-campus/near work.

Luckily though I’ve been running in the mornings at the nearby park to somewhat counteract the damage, but it’s going to get super chilly soon, and there’s a better chance I pick up conversational Latin in my sleep than me getting my ass outside to run in the cold – so I need to find cheap food soon.

So at home if you’re starting up a death pool of how long I can survive on food that supposedly has “no nutritional value to speak of” – put me down for 5 weeks, cause I mean c’mon, not only am I an optimist, I’m a fighter.

PS: I saw Sweeney Todd last night at the theatre, and while it was insanely awesome, it also brings to the table some possible solutions to my “How to consume protein without spending any money” dilemma… First I just need to take up barbering.

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